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I try to write a short poem in the 'pleiades' form for DFC, and this is what happens. As you can tell, it's not short. Or in any form.

This is on the story of Savitri and her husband, from the Mahabharata. Savitri's father told her to choose a husband; she walked and found one. Unfortunately, he was fated to die in a year - so, one day, they're in the forest, he's wood-cutting, becomes tired, and falls asleep. The god of death comes for him, he dies, and Savitri does the Orpheus-thing and walks after the god of death. And walks. And walks. Eventually, she tricks the god into getting her husband back with a clever choice of words, and they live happily ever after. (Unlike Orpheus.) 

The title comes from what Yama, the god of death, says to Savitri when she's walking with him. (Online source here, but its formatting isn't fantastic.) 

Hopefully this can stand on its own well enough. Tell me what you think? Thank you. :heart:
© 2013 - 2024 Vigilo
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doughboycafe's avatar
As always, lovely and I love it. Anything that mirrors Orpheus is the best thing ever. Can I ask about the form though, and what the requirements are, before I start making suggestions?

Also, this?

You were
sleeping atop
the shadow
of a tree when
death came calling  
for your soul –

This is strong and powerful. This you must never alter.