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This is based off The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T. S. Eliot. It might help to read Eliot's poem first, if you haven't before.

  Shall I stay, then, alone,
When the dawn is straying from the sky
Like a child roaming the sea;
Dare I stay – amidst parades of kings,
The rising revolution
Of tranquil days in silk-spread beds
And colours of mayhem in blacks and reds:
Wind chimes that jingle without judgement
Without affront –
And follow the questioning wind, without answers –
Oh, do answer, "Why not?" and
Let me stay, and dream of a candle you lit.

  On the beaches the men wander alone
Driven speechless by siren song.

  The house fairies lie beneath the windows.
The sunflowers that house imps hang above the windows
Droop their petals precariously earthward at dusk
And hide from the night sky in cement cracks,
Hinder gravity come dayspring and soar sunwards,
Stir from their pot, rise from sleep like the queen,
And not realising that it was a harsh November morn,
Step from the house, and search for hints of Spring.

  And there will be stories,
For young girls to see sunflowers that are queens,
Rise haughtily and conduct their kingdom;
There will be a story, there will be a story,
To learn to bury your dreams of submarines;
There will be a story to find the means,
And a story for all the worlds and ways
That drop and lift answers on your spoon;
Stories for me and stories for you,
And a story yet for the one conclusion
And for the illusion and disillusion
After the making of something new and true.

  On the beaches the men wander alone
Driven speechless by siren song.

  And indeed there will be a story,
To say, "I don't care," and "I don't care!"
Stories on which your tongue will rise and fall,
With a hoarse voice, and a quiet call –
[They will think: "How her voice is harkening!"]
Your dark eyes, your shirt flowing over your skin,
Your quiet, but your regal cheekbones and your lifted chin –
[They will think: "But how the corner of her mouth forms a grin!"]
Do you dare
leave me alone?
In a story there is a story
For change in which a story will have grown.

  For you learnt no longing, none, none yet,
No eyes seeking for the fire, the lyre, the light.
You danced in your life and out with fright;
You learnt the songs faltering with a faltering breath
Above the music about the place.
So how will you believe?

  For you have learnt my mooning heart none, none yet;
The moon that moves over moors, over days,
And when this leaves you, quivering on a bend,
When you are only focused and shivering breath,
Then, how will you end
And still remain an arrow, with your warrior ways?
 And how will you believe?

  And you have learnt my longing none, none yet –
Longing that is unadorned and simple and long.
[But in the melting shadows, smooth and lean and strong!]
Is it some perfection, or fault
That makes you stutter, or halt?
Longing that runs away with me, runs to me -
 And how will you, then, believe?
And how will you end?

****

  Will I say: I daren't go mad at dawn for the eavesdropping cats
And I daren't listen to the mechanic sounds of the tools
Of peddlers who are the devil incarnate, peering into drains for silver? …

  I will yearn to be a haunting shipwreck
disturbing the peace of the sands of the earth.

****

  And the sunrise, the nightfall, come so skittishly!
Clutched by young hands,
Awake … lively … or the light stands,
Agitatedly on the walls, there from you and me.
I may, after dinners and after breakfasts,
Have the weakness to persuade the moment so it lasts.
But though I am living and speaking, living and laughing,
Though I can see my face (longer and paler) reflected in seawater,
I am my fate – and - here's an admired matter;
I am blind to a life with such shallow depth,
And I am blind to passion dutifully swept,
And in finale, I am gambling.

  Shall it be worth it, without exaggeration?
After the ships, the ports, the sail,
Behind the salt - behind the silence -,
Shall it be worth yours or mine while,
To give in to Memory - to share a smile,
To have become two ravens and croaked a call:
To call, "I am Thought, come from the wise,
Come forth to whisper it now, to you, to forget -"?
If two, having tea, should say in surprise,
Should say: "That is it! I meant it all.
 That is it, for once and for all."

  And shall it be worth it, nevertheless,
Shall it be worth yours or mine while,
After the moonrises, the mountains, and the many miracles,
After the fields, after the deserts, after the winds that blow it all around –
And this, and nothing else? –
It is possible to say what I never meant!
A firefly has drifted your way and thrown the world into light regret:
Shall it be worth yours or mine while -
If two, looking around, or observing a wall,
And turning from the window, should think:
 "That is it, it all,
 That is it, for once and for all."

****

  Yes. You are always a queen and never shall be,
Ever, a mermaid quiet. It might well do
To yield, do the staged tried and true.
Betray the king, wielding a cunning tool:
Rebellious, glad to be of misuse,
Idealistic, reckless and miraculous;
Full of filth and oaths, but very shrewd;
At times, indeed, almost plausibly –
Almost, at times, the Cruel.

    I am ageless. … I am ageless …
I have never before dared the world to confess.

  Will I care for the sunset? May I drink wine?
I will tear up silk, and on the beach, dare to build a shrine.
I have sung to the sirens, told them of me and mine.

  I believe in their wild, wild ways, they heard me.

  I have seen them idling on rocky thrones and listen
Breathing not a song and dare for the sailors to speak
When they waft past, dare to tempt them to love, to seek.

  Nobody has stayed to conquer the cliffs of the sea
By sirens singing our dreams of albatross and azure sky,
Till the thunder wakes us, and we sigh.
"If I thought my reply were to one who could ever return to the world, this flame would shake no more; but since, if what I hear is true, none ever did return alive from this depth, I answer you without fear of infamy."
Dante, Inferno.

I don't know what category to place this in. I was dared by *AzizrianDaoXrak to do this prompt using TS Eliot's The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufock. NaPoWriMo-11. 160-lines according to Word. It's a response poem, I suppose, using Eliot's poem's style and format and attempting to emulate it. It's more selfish. It's still in the works, but critique and comments are deeply appreciated. Thank-you. :heart:

Edited somewhat 02.10.2011.
Edited again 30.09.2012.

23.10.2012:
OH MY HEART
I LOVE YOU ALL

:heart:
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-10-23
The suggesters say: "it gave me chills. The voice and the cadence sound so much like Eliot" "[The poem is] a hugely ambitious undertaking that is pulled off wonderfully. T.S. Eliot would be very pleased"The Dream Song of Anonymous by =Vigilo Also suggested by `Kneeling-Glory ( Suggested by QuiEstInLiteris and Featured by Nichrysalis )

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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :glomp: :heart:
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:iconsparia:
Sparia Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student General Artist
this amazing work is featured in my Journal [link] :dance:
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
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:iconsparia:
Sparia Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student General Artist
you are most welcome! :hug:
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:iconrober2:
rober2 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional Writer
Holy. Fuck.

I had over 600 deviations to go throug (read: delete) today, and on a whim I decided to read yours, just because your comments are always nice, yet often equally constructive. I love this poem, although I couldn't help but flinch at lifetimes, with Eliot's rhythm in my ear (I know his poem more or less by heart). Oh well, that is a nitpick if ever there was one.

Anyway, congratulations on the DD, this is a wonderful piece!
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Student Writer
May I return the same sentiment regarding your comment? ;)

I'm glad you did - thank you so much! I saw your point about lifetimes, though, even if you say it's a nitpick - I've gone and changed it to another word, I don't know if it works, but I'll keep that in consideration as I edit this! I'm so glad you enjoyed the poem - thank you so much for the lovely comment. :heart:
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:iconrober2:
rober2 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Professional Writer
I must confess, I half-hoped it would be a tribute to the internet group Anonymous in the style of Eliot:

Let us troll then, you and I
with the goatse spread out against the sky
like a newfag high on Jenkem on a table...

(If you did not get the references... Don't google them!)
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:iconnichrysalis:
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I feel (felt?) incredibly privileged to feature this piece of literature. Keep writing. :heart:

Nic
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Student Writer
:blush: I'm thoroughly amazed and awed that you think so. Will do - thank you so much. :heart:
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Professional Writer
:happybounce:

Congrats on the DD!
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student Writer
:squee: Thank you, lovely! :tighthug:
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Professional Writer
:tighthug:
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:iconsolarune:
Solarune Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012   Writer
Oh, V.

I don't even know where to begin. I've never read Prufrock or any Eliot, so I read that first, about twice, and then read this about twice, and then wiki'd Prufrock, and read them both... I feel like I'm looking up at the sky and seeing these giants walk past, and I can hardly see them or understand what it means to be them, but I know enough to be completely awed.

My very humble/tentative impression of the original poem is that Prufrock's love is somehow unrequited or that he never got up the courage to say anything, and reading this is so amazing because it feels like you've taken everything about the original that was tragic or unsure and said actually, yes, you are loved, and you can have hope. Like "I grow old" against "I am ageless" and "I believe in their wild, wild ways, they heard me" against "I do not think they will sing to me", and the last lines, sighing instead of drowning; not so much, I suppose, completely opposing it and overwhelming it with lovefluff as giving a third option? A maybe? I don't know. It is intensely beautiful.

It feels like both a mirror and a continuation of the original, partly because the sea-images in the original are all at the end and you have the sea all through yours. (Which is wonderful, of all the parts of the original to expand, how could you not write about the sea? Argh. :heart:) The original, to me (again with the amateur interpretations SORRY) feels a bit like the character is (hypothetically) growing old all through the piece and at the end he's moved away from the city and gone into retirement by the sea or something, probably without whoever he loves, and is kind of regretting it/feels like his life is at an end, and this feels like it's continuing his life and saying actually, you don't end here, and bringing this wonderful peace and happiness to his twilight years. I'm sorry, that's probably not at all what you intended, but I just found that so magical. Something about your version feels somehow older and younger – more ancient and more alive. Perhaps more timeless, too.

And if I can ask a silly-doesn't-read-enough-poetry question – why is it more selfish? In that... it's more about dreaming? Because, I'm not sure, I read this as, if anything, less self- or person-centred than the original. Maybe it's because the original had a name, and I could picture Prufrock quite clearly as I was reading it, but I can't picture Anonymous. But then... there are varying definitions of selfish.

Specific love: the whole stanza of "[They will think: "How her voice is harkening!"]" and of "Behind the salt - behind the silence -," (the old ravens and the quiet realisation), and

   For you have learnt my mooning heart none, none yet;
The moon that moves over moors, over days,
And when this leaves you, quivering on a bend,
When you are only focused and shivering breath,
Then, how will you end
And still remain an arrow, with your warrior ways?
  And how will you believe?


(everything about that one. the moon and the moors, oh wow, and the "quivering on a bend / focused and shivering breath" – how "quiver[ing]" is sort of echoed in "an arrow", but the whole thing is wrapped up in a mixture of perfect certainty and uncertainty, like the moment before an arrow is fired.)

and "the sunrise, the nightfall, come so skittishly!", "[I may] Have the weakness to persuade the moment so it lasts." and "a haunting shipwreck / disturbing the peace of the sands of the earth."

Will stop now, honest, sorry for rant. This is amazing and so are you. Never ever stop writing please. :heart:
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Student Writer
It is really ridiculous how long I've kept off answering this but I don't quite... Sol, the three words you never should say are 'sorry for rant' because ... (I am being a ridiculous wordless, speechless, gormless idiot but I can't help it) I don't even know how to say how much this comment is just, it's like when, or, maybe, no, that's the thing, I don't have an analogy for it because it's so rare and lovely and completely individual and anyway, what I'm trying to say is thank you, only with everything behind it and not just some sort of platitude because writing is amazing in itself, obvious, but it's people like you (though that's an impossibility there, you're one of a kind) that make it ... more, just more. :tighthug:

(Sorry. Bad at words. :paranoid:)

And... no. You're not an amateur at, just, no, sheesh, don't apologise, you ridiculous woman. :huggle:

At this point, I'm not sure what I intended, anymore, but continuing it was a part of it. It's not that I don't like sad endings, but - I just wanted to broaden the lens, a bit, like. "you don't end here" that's it EXACTLY.

As to why it's more selfish... someone said before that it's more - introspective, and it is, because Eliot's original sort of - opens outward, yeah? I mean, from the first stanza you have someone going and urging "Let us go and make our visit", and - "should I then presume?" particularly and "in short, I was afraid", stuff like that, is very ... uncertain of feeling, very - existential, almost, and this kind of - turns that around, it's all - basically, like you said, it's more optimistic, and that's very - my outlook on things, which is kind of, well, more selfish, more ... self-occupied. You know what you said about it feeling older and younger? Sometimes it feels uncomfortably younger - does that make sense?

There are parts of your comment I haven't replied to because I don't know how to. Your interpretations are so accurate sometimes I wonder if you weren't there while I was writing this. :paranoid: I'm also really beyond pleased and glad you enjoyed and .. no fear. I don't think I will, any time soon.

:tighthug: :heart:
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:iconsparia:
Sparia Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student General Artist
my...my...had this been not been pulled out as perfectly as you have done..I would have forever held a grudge against you(nothing supper personal...just have issues with people attempting to follow the steps of great writers and not even doing half the justice it deserves :D)

But since you have done such good job as you have..i will forever love you! (cant belive im actaully saying this about a poet who is not dead....:aww:) :worship:
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student Writer
:blush: Thank you so much! I can't believe you think so - that's so lovely of you to say. (Haha, no offence taken, I know exactly how you mean! I was incredibly nervous about posting this. I'm so glad you think I managed to pull it off; that's utterly amazing of you.)

(That is an honour!) Thank you so very much for your lovely, kind words! :tighthug: :heart:
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:iconsparia:
Sparia Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student General Artist
heheh...my earnest pleasure! :hug:
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:iconproofrockpilchard:
ProofrockPilchard Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Perhaps it would be best if I just bowed to you.
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
:blush: No bowing necessary - the sentiment's much appreciated, though, thank you so much! :heart:
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:iconproofrockpilchard:
ProofrockPilchard Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome.
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:iconreveriejune:
ReverieJune Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
This...this is love contained in the written word. Not the cheesy, forced, holiday type of romance, but words that evoke passion between the world and the soul. A love affair with the world, now that's the heart of romance. And a part of me loves you for sharing this with us. Thank you!
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student Writer
I don't know how to reply to you with proper gratitude - I'm so glad and amazed that you thought so, it really means everything. That's such a gorgeous way of putting it - thank you so much for the love. And, no, thank you for the lovely words! :heart:
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:iconhyperfluxy:
hyperfluxy Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
" I am ageless. … I am ageless …
I have never before dared the world to confess."

Hello beautiful
TS Eliot is one of my favorite poets and had this been done differently it would have been so unacceptable. I think this is brilliant and you danced with his poem so well without stepping on any (my) toes. It is a lot more selfish, but, its more... shall we say, introspective. And this; the capture of the age of introspection, the page to which the world has turned- 'I have never dared the world to confess' may be the one line I truly believe Eliot would regret not having written himself.
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Student Writer
Hullo, lovely - thank you so much for this beautiful feedback, first of all! I'm so glad you thought I managed not to step on any (your ;P) toes - this was quite a scary thing to write, especially considering - well, T. S. Eliot. Thank you so much for the lovely, kind words - I'm so flattered and glad and pleased that you enjoyed and thought so. :tighthug: :heart:
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:iconhyperfluxy:
hyperfluxy Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012   Writer
I'm so glad. Hope you're doing well and writing lots.
;)
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:iconbrokengrin:
bRoKeNgRiN Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
So much character, richness and meeting, coated in just words. It's amazing how successfully words can describe something which is _felt_. Yet, despite the challenges associated with it, you did an absolutely stunning job. This, like many poems with depth (especially the one you referenced), I can read over and over again and always find something I missed, or with age, find something new, but it just makes it that much more amazing. Thanks for sharing. It was an absolutely stunning poem and certainly worthy of being noticed for a daily deviation. Keep writing.
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Student Writer
I was extremely nervous about this one - it was, exactly as you said, a challenge; I'm incredibly amazed and glad and flattered that you think I met it. I'm so glad that you enjoyed it, and this is a wonderful comment to read, over and over again - it really makes everything worth it, and I'm beyond glad and happy that you enjoyed it! Thank you so very, very much for the lovely, kind words. I'll definitely endeavour to do so! :tighthug: :heart:
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:iconceilonn:
ceilonn Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student Filmographer
Ah, wow! You can hear the echoes of Prufrock in every line. Brilliant, brilliant <3
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student Writer
:happybounce: Thank you so much for the lovely words, darling! I'm so glad you enjoyed! :heart:
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:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Aha, excellent! Congratulations!
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student Writer
!! LET ME SMOTHER YOU IN HUGS. :huggle:
THANK YOU, YOU UNBELIEVABLE WONDERFUL BEING. :glomp: I just.. no words, at all. :iconteamoplz:

:tighthug: :heart:
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:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Professional Writer
^^ I'm good with hug-smothering! :heart: You're pretty fantastic, yourself. ;D
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:iconabsinth-c-lover:
Absinth-C-Lover Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Congrats on the DD ~ Stunning ! :worship:
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:iconabsinth-c-lover:
Absinth-C-Lover Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012
O yes of course i did ! You are soooooo gifted dear xxx
:shifty:
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:iconabsinth-c-lover:
Absinth-C-Lover Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012
Ow .. wrong :squee:
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student Writer
:happybounce: Thank you so much for the kind words - I'm so glad you enjoyed! :heart:
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:iconabsinth-c-lover:
Absinth-C-Lover Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012
Enourmously ~ Goodevening :kiss:
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:iconorphicfiddler:
orphicfiddler Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Congrats on the DD, this is wonderful. You did proper justice to one of my favorite poems ever.
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! I'm so glad you think so - that means so much, thank you so much for the lovely words. :tighthug: :heart:
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:iconorphicfiddler:
orphicfiddler Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012
Aww, you're welcome.
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
My God this is good. Great Even.
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
:blush: Goodness. Glad you approve; thanks so much! :heart:
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. It's kind of cool after all this time seeing that this earned you a DD. Congrats, m'dear ;) I hope life is treating you well!
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
Haha, I think so too! Thank you so much, lovely! This wouldn't have existed without you. :tighthug: And it is, it really is, how about you? :heart:
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
In spite of being stressed almost out of my wits: Life is really good. :)
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student Writer
I'm sorry about the stress, but I'm glad to hear that! :hug: :heart:
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:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   Writer
Congrats on the DD! It's great to see this poem recognized -- very well deserved!
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:iconvigilo:
Vigilo Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much, lovely! I'm so glad you think so, that's wonderful to hear. :tighthug: :heart:
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